Tag Archives: crochet

I am not a Monogamous Crocheter

I just heard someone describing herself as a monogamous knitter – she works on only one project at a time. I have always worked on multiple projects at the same time. Does that make me a polygynous crocheter?

If my projects have gender (or is it sex? does a fuck doily have sex? is a cock doily male?), I could be a polyandrous or polygamous crocheter? And if they all approve of each other, maybe I’m a polyamorous crocheter, into fibrous polyfidelity.

I have no idea what kind of graphic to use to compliment this post.

12-Step program for Crocheters Anonymous

I wish I’d been the only person to have gone through this but I know I’ve talked to other crocheters who definitely relate. Not all of you, though, thank Baubo.

For those who are on the other side and would like to work through this, I offer you…

Twelve Steps for Crocheters Anonymous
— or how to grow into being comfortable crocheting in public

  1. Admit that you are powerless over crochet, that your life has become unmanageable until you figure out how to do your hobby with pride and in public when you wish.
  2. Believe that in the power of Baubo, you can restore your crochet tendencies to sanity.
  3. Make a decision to grow your tendencies to crochet into a happy healthy habit.
  4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of all the items, garments, doilies, or otherwise that you fervently dream of making someday and post it where you can see it and be inspired.
  5. Tell one friend that you are a crocheter. Imagine Baubo standing by your side in support, behaving herself for the moment.
  6. Find a café far enough away from your home that you can be very sure you won’t be recognized. Crochet a row or two. If anyone talks to you, politely brush them off. Days or weeks later, find the same or different café far enough away that you won’t be recognized. Crochet until two people talk to you about your crochet. You need not fess up about what you’re really making although do admit to crocheting.
  7. Tell another friend that you are a crocheter.
  8. Make a list of all the persons you wish you had crocheted a gift for. Post this list next to the inventory list for inspiration.
  9. Make gifts for these people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others (heavily starched items for children are not recommended).
  10. Find a café close to home, one that you have a chance of being recognized. Crochet until two people ask you about your crochet. No need to fess up about what you’re making. A few weeks later, go back and crochet until someone who knows you talks to you about your crochet. This time, tell them honestly about what you’re making. You can break this last step into two if you like.
  11. Seek through ESP with Baubo to improve your crochet skills and ask her, the universe, and everything what you might crochet next.
  12. Having become fully comfortable in your habit, carry this message to other crocheters who ask for it. Continue practicing these principles in all of your affairs. (But don’t crochet while on jury duty or changing a baby diaper.)

Took me two years to get crochet-sober but now I am able to admit to others that I enjoy this artform.

The Urinal … in Crochet

Flush us away, Nathan! This is excellent!

Yes, it’s a crocheted urinal, complete with pink sanitizer inside.

Check Nathan Vincent’s website to see that and more pics.

Holey whities, Nathan!

Perfectly chosen complimentary frilly border to the possibly rising action underneath maybe? I would love to see a version with a slit in the filet crochet.

Bookquet

When a fellow book artist was planning her wedding, she asked all her book artist friends to contribute a handmade book for her bookquet that she would carry down the aisle. Being a crochet fiend, I was excited to combine crochet with bookmaking for this collaborative project.

crocheted book flower
During the unveiling, given that everyone was familiar with my other crochet work, they flipped through the little pages looking for the conjugal bits.

It’s for a wedding, I chided. Have some decency.

Yes, it’s for a wedding, they said, so why’d you leave them out?

For the next one I have no choice.

Private Sasquatch

sasquatch privatesPrivate Sasquatch.

Or the privates of Sasquatch.

Does Sasquatch have privates?

If he did, what would they look like? If he doesn’t, then, well, how did he get here? Is he not mammalian?

And what about Sasquatch’s female partner? Where is she in all this? I’ve never heard of her.

Is there really only one guy? Has a she version ever been seen? And if so, does she have privates? What do they look like?

Someone’s gotta research this for all of you who won’t admit that you wonder about these things too.

Sculptured crochet ornament

About 10 inches long and 4 inches wide with a large quotient of hair

Clackers

clackersLet’s see, what category do these belong in … Decorative? Body Parts? Wom and Manwom?

Remember those clackers from the 70’s? That’s what these remind me of. Well, ok, that’s the second thing these remind me of.

I was inspired by a similar shape that someone had created out of fabric or burlap in an art show years ago. I played with it in crochet.

As I was coaxing the end strings up from the bottom, they stuck out the sides in an intermediate step. I liked the effect so much I added several more pieces of thread to add “hair”.

I didn’t want to stuff these with regular stuffing because the design holes would allow it to stick out a little too much for my liking. So I stuffed them with little marshmallows. So far the ants haven’t found them.

I’ve used them most recently as a Christmas tree decoration.

Crochet sculpture with marshmallows. About 6-1/2 inches long by 1-1/2 inches wide excluding hair.