recently, I ventured to Berkeley for some special crochet thread that I can only find in one store there, not even online. afterwards, as part of my bi-annual pilgrimage to this funky town I visited my favorite coffee place which is as close to a religious act as I get.

as I was savoring my drink of the goddesses, this older guy happened to ask me about my press pot of coffee. turns out he was a semi-retired yogi, still spreading yogic wisdom around the world. at first, we talked about his double espresso that had more cream than espresso. he commented that he’d just returned from some time at an ashram and it seemed that the longer he was there, the stronger his lust for sin.

then I shared some of my goddess drink, pouring some from my pot into his little cup … that was already over half full with cream. "If there’s no cream in it, I won’t like it." he swirled it around and said, "Liquid cookies." ha! ok, he seemed pretty funny. let’s talk, I thought.

we started talking about yoga and the ashrams, Jung, the situation of our lovely country today, religion. at one point he mentioned being out of touch with his folks for 8 years. bingbingbing. that’s me. so of course, we went down this path of what that was like, how we got there, what sort of violence happened or almost happened, how he moved from there, how I’m still not settled about it.

"well, you really should make amends. go back to them and have no expectations." but why? why would any soul do that? because their blood runs in you. and your point is? because of the ancestors – surely you would’ve liked some of them. yeah, but they’re dead and I never met them. your dad’s frustrations with you are not with you but with his imagination of what he thinks you are. he doesn’t know you because if he did, he couldn’t act that way. so why should I go put myself in front of him so he can see his frustrations and not me? why should a person do that? with anyone?

I have to say I really don’t like where I’m at on this issue but cannot see any next move on my part that would be better, which is why this conversation always captivates me.

Do they have money, he asked me. is that important, I ask. mine do, he adds. And now I’m in their will.

He tells me Jung says the right path is to resolve one’s relationship with one’s mother and father and then you can get to your own path.

I suppose that advice is a lot easier to follow when there’s financial incentive.