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what if I rent a Vogon poem?

prompted by my tweet about my recent Rent-A-Poem post, cereisinger asked:

"Vogon poetry also? Or do I need to visit Rent-A-Wreck?"

to which My Friend Will responded:

Dear Sir:

Since the recitation of Vogon poetry is considered by the Geneva Convention as torture, it is illegal to sell or distribute said material to private individuals.

We feel it our responsibility to warn you about a service you obliquely referred to, Rent-A-Wretch. They are a shadow company operating out of Somalia , led by an international poetry smuggler known only as El Tampon. Most of the examples that emerge from them are badly built or dangerously parsed, and should be avoided at all cost.

On a recent Friday night, for instance, the Stanford Medical Center Emergency Room was flooded by poetry reciters who had somehow acquired a Vogon poem at a kegger and recited it to possible dating material. Only two survived the resulting assaults.

1. If you find a Vogon poem, DO NOT TOUCH IT. Call a qualified Linguistics Professional.

2. Victims of Vogon poetry MUST BE TREATED IMMEDIATELY. Flush with Dr. Seuss, and induce reciting.

3. Remember: reciting Vogon poetry WILL eviscerate your sexual life and may land you in the hospital.

Thank you for your time.

Ford Prefect

Vogon Poetry Defense Consultant

© Will Davis

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