I was in pain watching one attorney ask questions. He stood there shifting position like a little boy who had to go to the bathroom. He squirmed, tilting his head all around and wrangling his brow this way and that. I swear he could create exactly 6, then 7, then 8 ripples across his tight brow with enough control I was sure he could do this to music. But he didn’t speak at the same time. It was as if he was trying to get his brow to boom intimidating questions to the witness and to us, like maybe “Can you believe what he just said?” I wanted to step out of the juror box and say, “Can you just ask your next question?”

Squirm, squirm … well … Mr. Smith … don’t you think … no, … do you think … that … your numbers … that maybe your numbers … could mean … no, strike that … don’t you think … no, do you think … that … it’s important to … to … to consider houses in this area?” The witness responded, “No.” Oh shit, the conversation’s back to him now. I sank in my chair.

I wanted to walk up to him – he was only 6 feet away, right in front of me – and look at his papers and help him work out a viable approach for an argument. But I imagined I was seat-belted into my chair and it was locked by the deputy. Do you actually make a living doing this, I wondered. Or are you on the verge of losing your practice? Or does everyone just give money to lawyers because they’re lawyers whether or not they’re good? Oh my, I gotta drop this line of thinking, it’s nauseating.

Finally, he got to a key point and I discounted this guy’s testimony. I knew I couldn’t factor in my pain at watching him be a lawyer but I didn’t want to see a bad lawyer win. In the end, it was easy enough to ignore these feelings that were definitely there and give a verdict based on the case. You know, I’ve heard other jurors say that they had done this and I didn’t believe it was possible. Like one lawyer said, you can’t unring the bell. But with good clear judge’s instructions in the end, I found it was very easy to separate them and make a proper decision. And write about them later.